It's Cold Outside
by RainbowRaven
Summary: The night is freezing cold, and Kankri Vantas feels like a complete and utter mental wreck. He suffers from flushed feelings- in which case, at least he believes, the feelings don't reciprocate. Lots of sad Kankri drabble, story is MUCH better than description. Please read and enjoy, thank you!


"It's Cold Outside"

The cancer troll shuddered violently, his red turtle neck not nearly enough protection from the harsh and chilling blast of wind and rain against his person.

It felt like a blade of ice being repetitively slapped across his cheek. His arms were hugged tightly in front of his chest as he tried-in a sad, futile attempt-to resist from the unnatural cold. Needless to say, he was exceedingly triggered.

The urge to just turn around and go back into his hive was great, and for a moment he almost second guessed himself and did just that. He turned back slowly, the sweet, intoxicating promise of warmth becoming too strong to overcome.

He inhaled sharply through his nose, then soon winced right afterwards. It sent a river of pain shooting up to his skull- was he going to have frostbite?  
Kankri wanted nothing more than to simply march right back into his home and snuggle up under his hot, smoldering covers and sob, red, glistening tear after another, letting each one slide down his cheek and stain his pillow.

"Thi-This is all Cronus' fault- that no good, triggering imbecile…" He stammered due to the cold. "He's so obsessed w-with Mituna… well, I-I could be better than Mituna. I-" Kankri was cut off abruptly by a blast of wind knocking into him, almost sending him tumbling to the ground.

Quickly, he caught his footing and righted himself. The back of his eyes had a familiar burning sensation, so he looked directly where the wind was blowing strongest in hopes of somehow freezing away his tears. Pulling his head away, he realized that the threat of tears had, in fact, lessened.

If only he could freeze his heart that way, too. It would make everything so much easier, so much more bearable. Why did everything have to hurt so immensely?

Kankri wanted to run right up to wherever Cronus may be at the time and tell him exactly what he thought! He wanted to tell him everything. Every last little thing that had been tucked right under his red sweater sleeve. But every time he tried, he lost his courage and stalked away, eyes squeezed shut so as to not let a single tear escape.  
At least, not in front of the Ampora.

He wanted to tell him how much it stabbed like a knife to see him drooling all over that helmet wearing Gemini , even though Mituna already has a matesprit. Kankri wanted to scream that he had always been there, every time Mituna turned him away to be with Latula, he had always wanted to be the one Cronus cried to, be the one to hold Cronus' hand in his time of need.

Wasn't he good enough?

And if not, how could he get better?

These thoughts scurried rapidly through his mind, and he felt a small, shard of ice trickle down his grey face. It left a shivering trail, and in that shear instant Kankri knew that once the first tear had been shed, more would be soon to follow. It was inevitable.

As if on cue, the back of his throat began to burn, feeling as if he had somehow swallowed a bright, burning flame and now it had begun to melt away his Adam's apple. "I'm a blubbering mess." He murmured half-heartedly.

He was completely alone this night. Everyone else had the sense not to freeze to death, but at this point, Kankri honestly didn't mind it much.

His only company was the light snow falling from the sky. He gazed upwards and remembered a time when he was a small child. Older than a grub, but not much. He ever so much adored sticking out his tongue and catching the white droplets of frozen rain.

He would twirl around and watch as the world spun with him until he became so unbelievably dizzy he was sent tumbling to the Earth below, but it was alright. The gentle, chilly arms of snow caught his fall and laid him down, carefully.

Kankri wanted to smile. And, for a short lived moment, he thought he might have. It was much too cold to recognize it, if he did. A smile at the moment would feel foreign and sick, as if he didn't deserve to ever smile again.

The troll stopped in his tracks, black sneakers making a satisfying crunch that brought him back to the times of frolicking without a care in the world.  
It's hard to believe life was ever that simple, that easy, and that… blissful.

The frozen water stung his eyes, but he was glad. It was an excuse for the few stray tears that he couldn't fight back, no matter the futile trials he put himself through. Each time a snow flake landed on his bare skin, the hairs on the back of his neck bristled.

It was highly possible to merely lie down and let the cold take him over. Kankri would use the snow as a blanket and wrap himself up in it, saying a repetitive mantra of, "The cold will subside soon. It'll go away. The cold will subside soon. It will go away."

The trees-however scarce they are, in his particular area-were all bare and lifeless, except the sparkling, glittery whiteness that consumed their branches and their bases. It almost hurt Kankri's eyes to look at- all of that white. He had a sudden urge to paint this picture.

The blackness of the sky in contrast to the snow's pure brilliance. It was magnificent, and, had he been in a better mood, he would've truly been fixated on the magnificence. But he hasn't the time, nor the patience.

It wasn't fair for the world around him to appear so pleasant and beautiful, whilst he was dying on the inside, wanting to rip out his heart and throw it as far as he could, in hopes that Cronus would find it and realize what he had done.

What a comparison that would make. The splattering of crimson sprinkled over the white. A single, scarlet imperfection amongst the marvelous fascination of white.

Kankri shook his head vigorously. Yes, it was a voluptuous night, but he hadn't the time to silently ramble about it in his mind. He sighed heavily and watched the mist emanate from his lips and float into the air around him.  
All of this angst, and for what? A stupid man?

No, this wasn't just another troll. This was _Cronus Ampora._  
Not _a _troll, but _the _troll.

And it drove Kankri towards the brink of insanity that Cronus couldn't tell the way the smaller Cancer looked at him, thought about him, grieved for him, and loved him. He would lie his life on the line for Cronus, hurt himself, swallow any number of poison.

All for someone who has unrequited feelings?

"Damn," was all he could muster to say.

His eyes (that in which matched the color matched the winter wonderland ever so perfectly) scanned the surrounding area for a place to sit and rest. He couldn't take much more of this walking. Finally, after searching, he found a bench. It wasn't completely caked in snow, so it was still somewhat visible.

Kankri plopped himself down, defeated by life. He hadn't heard the rushed footsteps, or the holler of his name. All he heard was the cacophony of words swimming throughout his mind and the blood rushing to his brain. He rubbed his eyes, refusing to cry. Not now, not ever.

"Kankri!" A frantic female voice yelled. "Kankri Vantas! What are you doing outside of your hive in this sort of weather, Mister? You had me worried sick, you know that? _Sick!"_ Kankri heard a faint buzzing, but put it to the back of his mind dismissively. It was most likely nothing.

"Kankri, are you even listening to me? Ka-" Porrim's sentence was cut off as Kankri brought his feeble head up to look at her. His face was flushed and his eyes were slightly glazed over his fever.

"Oh, Kankri. Hun." She cooed, making a spot for herself on the bench. All anger was flooded out of her voice, and in its place was a motherly like tone that Kankri had happily grown accustomed to. She began rubbing his icy leg. He could barely feel it, though. He was numb to everything- Porrim's words, her hand, the cold. In fact, he subconsciously thought, I've even become to feel a bit warm.

Porrim saw that in his eyes and pulled him close to her side, as if trying to save him. "My poor baby." She continued, rubbing his arm and squeezing him. "My pride and joy." Kankri couldn't tell if she was trying to make him feel better, or mumbling this all to herself for whatever reason.

Kankri wanted to confess everything to Porrim. She was the one person he knew he could always turn to, that would always be there and never let him down or judge him. She really was like a mother to him, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

He didn't remember the last time he had really kept something this vital from her before. The last time he had lied, or not told her something was a few months ago when she had baked exponentially amazing chocolate chip cookies, but had told him not to eat a single one until supper was gone.

But Kankri just couldn't help it. He _had_ to have them, and what would one do? They smelt too fantastic not to sneak one. So, he did.

It ended in Kankri feeling horrible and sobbing to her five minutes later, confessing his unforgivable crime.

But this scenario was a bit more serious than admitting to having his hand in the cookie jar. He wanted to cry into Porrim's side, his words all one big slur of syllables and sounds, but Porrim would make it out because she just _had to._

But he wouldn't. What would Cronus say if he saw him like that? So, gritting his teeth, he said silent.

"Kankri, what's the matter? You know you can tell me."  
I know, he wanted to answer. I know I can, and I would. But if I did, you would hear the crack in my voice and all my walls would come tumbling down, like always.

Porrim sighed, hugging Kankri tighter.

"It's cold outside."

Those were trigger words. Kankri didn't know why they were substantial, and why they had triggered him so, but they did. In one outburst of a scream, Kankri started crying. He was a child again, sobbing over heartbreak. But this particular form of suffering he had endured for far too long.

It all came out of him in an abrupt flourish of tears and sniffles. Porrim shushed him and comforted him as only a mother could. She made soft circles on his back and slowly stood. Kankri's fists were entwined in Porrim's bright green velvet jacket and refused to lessen.

She smiled. How she loved her baby boy.

"Come now," She whispered as Kankri's cries of anguish continued.

"It's much too cold outside. Let's go home."

Kankri didn't argue. Instead, he reluctantly followed through the barrels of snow, and back into his hive.  
-

Cronus Ampora muttered angrily under his breath. Why couldn't he get this right? His hands were sticky with globs upon globs of glue and glitter, and he prayed to Gog his nose wouldn't start itching, or he was severely screwed.

Before him rested a small coffee table and a mountain of crinkled and torn up colored paper. "That stupid Rufioh told me to tell him through a hand-made card… but I can't do this!" He spit his flavorless gum into a nearby trash bin that was overflowing with ruined paper.

"This just ain't worth it."

All of this angst, and for what? A stupid man?

No, this wasn't just another troll. This was _Kankri Vantas._  
Not _a _troll, but _the _troll.

And it drove Cronus towards the brink of insanity that Kankri couldn't tell the way the taller Aquarius looked at him, thought about him, grieved for him, and loved him. He would lay his life on the line for Kankri, hurt himself, and swallow any number of poisons.

All for someone who has unrequited feelings?

"Fuck," was all he could muster to say.


End file.
